I have a funny feeling
by Ellenore Carter
Summary: We've all been there. Everything suddenly feels...wrong. If you take yourself seriously, or take Sweeney Todd far too seriously, I warn you, you will not understand this or you will be offended. Feel free to flame if you must, i like nice reviews too tho


"Mr. T?" Mrs. Lovett asked from across the table. Sweeney glared up at her but didn't answer. Finally she sighed and asked her question anyway, "Don't you think getting a pet would help Toby to be more responsible. Sweeney rolled his eyes.

"Mrs. Lovett, please stop acting like I'm responsible for that boy. I'm already getting dirty looks for living with you," Sweeney went back to twiddling his thumbs and staring boredly out the window. Mrs. Lovett frowned.

"I was merely looking for your input Mr. Todd. No need to be so harsh…When were you getting dirty looks from people?" Sweeney looked up at her.

"When we went to the market the other day, a small group of gossipy women were leering at us from across the street, you didn't see them?" he asked. Nellie's eyes reflexively roved around the room.

"Oh…them…" she turned and began to walk away. Sweeney stops her by clearing his throat.

"Do you know those women Lovett?" he asked suspiciously. She smiled meekly and shook her head.

"No, what are you talking about Mr. Todd? That's ridiculous," she dashed away but Sweeney had a fist around her arm before she could escape.

"What did you tell them Lovett?" Nellie cowered at his touch but at the same time, heat prickled up her spine.

"Ooh, Mr. Todd…you really don't want to know," she stated with lustful finality. Sweeney knew what the conniving woman was trying to do, and he wouldn't fall for it.

"Oh Mrs. Lovett, you really better tell me. Hiding it wont make me like you more," he hissed close to her smiling and yet terrified face. Mrs. Lovett not-so-subtly pressed herself against him. Sweeney rolled his eyes and put his hands on her thin shoulders and pushed the woman away. Mrs. Lovett frowned and sighed disappointedly.

"Ok, so them and I were talking. Mrs. Mooney was going on about her bloody perfect husband, then they all were talking about how magnificent their husbands were. Of course that wretched woman, Mrs. Mooney, brought it upon herself to ask me if I had remarried yet. It would be terribly embarrassing for me to say that I was alone so…I kinda told them…" she trailed off and smiled innocently. Sweeney groaned.

"You told them we were married?" Nellie giggled nervously.

"See now, that, is quite the funny story-"

"What could possibly be worse than that Lovett? Good lord, we minds well be married what with all this bickering!" he shouted. The woman's eyes flicked to the nearest exits.

"Well, I sort of told them, that we weren't married but…we were involved with…each other," she grinned, praying Sweeney wasn't having a worse day than normal. The tortured man looked at her sadly.

"Involved how?" Nellie smiled.

"Involved…in bed," she hinted. Sweeney's face went red.

"Oh. My. God. Lovett! What are you trying to do? Your like a child! There's no filter between your mouth and your brain! Do you even think at all?" he shouted, pacing back and forth in her kitchen. Nellie found herself remembering a time when her father had caught her and a boy she had snuck into her bedroom one night. It was a lot like this in fact, Mrs. Lovett thought. An angry man pacing back and forth, yelling at her. Her sitting in a chair staring ashamedly at the floor.

"Now, just calm down love. It was only three girls-women, and they won't tell anyone," she suggested. Sweeney glared at her.

"But that's not the problem Lovett! The problem is that I can't leave you alone for three seconds with out you messing something up! I'm shocked you can even keep our secret without telling every random person on the street who makes you jealous!" The man shouted. Mrs. Lovett's eyes grew teary.

"I'm sorry Mr. T, it's just hard sometimes. I try so hard not to pretend but it makes everything seem so much better. You should try sometime, it might cheer you up a little," Nellie sniffed. Sweeney rolled his eyes and glared at her.

"Pretend what? What could possibly make my miserable existence any better? Oh! I could pretend my wife was still alive! I could pretend I'm not a murderer, or, what if I used my wonderful imagination to pretend we're not feeding people, to other bloody people! That I still had my daughter and a perfect life? Yes Mrs. Lovett! That would make my life just peachy!" Nellie started to cry at Sweeney's angry words. His blistering fury faded within a few moments and he sat down.

"I said I was sorry Mr. Todd! You just don't understand me!" Mrs. Lovett screamed, ran up to her room and flopped onto the bed. Again, the strange sense of dejavoo overcame her while she screamed into her pillows and cried.

There was a knock on her door.

"Mrs. Lovett?" Sweeney asked.

"Go away!" she mumbled into her bedding. Sweeney walked in anyway and sat on the side of her bed.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Lovett, I shouldn't have yelled at you like that." Nellie sniffed and slowly sat up, looking suspiciously at Sweeney.

"Your sorry?" she asked. Sweeney smiled and nodded.

"Yes pet, I'm sorry." The two embraced each other in a hug and sat there for a long awkward moment. Until Nellie broke the silence.

"Sweeney, I have the strangest feeling that were on some sort of sick Disney channel TV series." The man nodded.

"Your right…how strange…what's a TV?"


End file.
